SEARCH
FOR IDENTITY IN NANCY’S CHARACTER IN NANCY FRIDAY’S MY MOTHER/MY SELF
Djoko
Ardhityawan, Ni’matul Badriyah
ABSTRACT
In
this chance, the writer intends to analyze a process of search for identity
in a novel by Nancy Friday entitled My
Mother/My Self. The writer chooses it for containing an attractive story about
search for identity. Specifically the objectives of the study entitled Search
for Identity in Nancy’s Character in Nancy Friday’s My Mother/My Self are: (1) to describe how Nancy
as the main female character in My
Mother/My Self search for identity, (2) to elaborate the influences of Nancy’s
mother in Nancy’s search for identity, (3) to explain the results of Nancy’s
search for identity.
The
research approach that is applied in this study is psychological approach. It
is used in order to analyze the psychological types that is the process of
search for identity experienced by Nancy within this novel. Meanwhile the
research methodology consists of three things. In the data collection, the writer employs library
research and internet browsing. The writer uses the theories that relate to the
search for identity, the ways to search for identity, the influences of mother,
the result, etc. Those theories become the base in analyzing the data found in
this novel. Then the data corpus consists of words, clauses, dialogue, etc that
refer to the search for identity in Nancy Friday’s My Mother/My Self.
Afterwards, to analyze the data, the writer uses content analysis which
emphasizing the data that is in form of texts.
After
analyzing the data, the writer finds that Nancy searches for identity because
she wants to change the pattern which regards that a daughter will be same with
her mother mostly in her life’s aspect. Then Nancy searches for identity
through family relation, status symbols, “grown-up” behavior, rebellion and
idols or models. The writer also finds that Nancy’s mother influences
Nancy in attitude and personality through her terrible anxieties and fear. She
also influences Nancy in ethical and
moral values by being careless and introvert. Meanwhile Nancy in fact can
manage the process well. She finally achieves her identity by being independent
and different from her mother. She also can make better relationship with her
mother.
Then
based on the finding, the writer can conclude that Nancy searches for her
identity through some ways. During the
process, her mother takes significant role and in the end Nancy can get the
positive results such the identity itself.
Keywords : My
Mother/My Self, Search for Identity, Nancy Friday
INTRODUCTION
Learning
literature is very attractive and useful. Attractive for it tells many various
themes. While useful is because it can enlarge our knowledge. We can learns any
scope of study such as psychology, sociology, biology, linguistics, etc for literature relates to them. Before
learning more about literature, it is better for us to know first what
literature is. Wellek (1963:22) states :
The term
‘literature’ seems best if we limit it to the art of literature, that is to
imaginative literature………………There are certain difficulties with so employing
the term; but, in English, the possible alternatives, such as ‘fiction’ or
‘poetry’, are either already pre-empted by narrow meanings or, like
’imaginative literature’ or belles-letters, are clumsy and misleading. One of
the objections to ‘literature’ is its suggestion (in its etymology from litera) of limitation to written or
printed literature; for, clearly, any coherent conception must include ‘oral
literature’.
It
can be seen that actually the definition of literature is still debatable. But,
the best definition of literature is limited in its concept of art. Literature
is an art of writing which contains esthetic values. As stated in (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Literature),
literature is the art of written work, and is not confined to published source.
Then literature can not be separated from civilization. Every epoch has its own
literature. Literature represents the time and place in which is made and told.
As result, the literary works are mostly published. Publishing is done in order
to share the idea of the writer to the reader. The idea takes several forms
such as entertaining, giving critique or praise, or at least telling something
to the society. But, there is an exemption which the literary work is not
published for some reasons. For this, we can not limited literature in written forms only
Furthermore also in (http://.wikipedia.org/wiki/Literature), it
is said that the four major classifications of literature are poetry, prose,
fiction, and non-fiction. It means that so far we know as stated before that literature should be
imaginative. Here, the division of literary works is wider to non-fiction
scope. But, however we have to know that in fact the non-fiction work is not
wholly scientific. There is always imaginative touch.
Wellek (1963: 25)
gives more explanation about this :
The statements
in a novel, in a poem, or in a drama are not literary true; they are not
logical propositions………A character in a novel differs from a historical figure
or a figure in real life……….Time and space in a novel are not those of real
life. Even an apparently most realistic novel, the very ‘slice of life’ of the
naturalist, is constructed according to certain artistic conventions.
The
components in every literary works including novel are constructed and combined
well to create a great work. The characters, time, and even place in a literary
work have possibility containing imaginative influence.
Then the stories which are written in novel take
various themes, from social issues, environment, or even human being itself.
One of interesting issues relates to human being is the process of search for
identity. According to Noreen Wainwright (http://www.ehow.com/how8149715search-selfidentityhtmlixzzlvgalHhFYZ),the search for
self identity seems to be a fundamental aspect of human condition. Indeed,
Socrates called the unexamined life a life not worth living. From the statement
above, the writer can say that the search for identity should be experienced by
every human being. This process becomes fundamental and crucial for human being
lives in developing and changing world. When someone experiences the search for
identity which brings many various experiences or even the extreme one, he then
will find the essence of himself. Everyone in the world instinctively wants to
be himself. If it is reached, there will be a satisfaction.
Since the issue of search for identity becomes a
crucial phenomenon in whenever society for every human mostly or even wholly
experienced it but with different story, the writer is interested in analyzing
it especially which found in novel. The novel chosen by the writer entitled My Mother/My Self by Nancy Friday. She
is not a very famous writer even she is often criticized. But, the writer wants
to analyze one of her book from the other side, positively. Nancy’s works are
few. She writes about less than ten book. One of them is My Mother/My Self. The writer chooses the novel because it took
interesting theme about the search for identity experienced by a daughter. The
main character in the story is Nancy Friday who actually the author of the
novel itself. As said by Nancy Friday in author’s acknowledgement ,”I thought
myself a good candidate for this subject because although I would have told you
I loved my mother, I also felt sufficient psychological space between us, a
separation that would allow me to be fair and objective.”
In My
Mother/My Self, Nancy is the second child and has a sister named Susie. She
lives with her mother, sister, and previously her nurse, Ana. Her father has
been dead when she is still little. Because of her mother’s lack in mothering
and terrible anxieties, Nancy begins to search for her identity. She struggles
with identity through some ways such as family relation, status symbols,
“grown-up” behavior, rebellion and models. In this process however Nancy’s
mother plays significant roles and afterward influences Nancy. Nancy’s mother
influences Nancy in attitude, personality, moral & ethical values. After
experiencing those things, Nancy finally can manage this process well and then
can be what she wants. Based on the statement of the problems, the writer has
purposes as follow: 1)To describe how Nancy as the main female character in My Mother/My Self search for identity. 2)
To elaborate the influences of Nancy’s mother in her search for identity. 3) To
explain the results of Nancy’s search for identity
RESEARCH
METHODOLOGY
APPROACH
In
doing this research, the writer employs the psychological approach. Guerin
(2005:152-153) states:
“Yet, for all the difficulties
involved in its proper application to interpretative analysis, the
psychological approach can be fascinating and rewarding……In turn, the crucial
limitation of the psychological approach is its aesthetic inadequacy:
psychological interpretation can afford many profound clues toward solving a
work’s thematic and symbolic mysteries……..Though the psychological approach is
an excellent tool for reading beneath the lines…”
Psychological
approach is one of the critical approach to literature. It seems to be
difficult for analyzing and interpreting a literary work in psychological way
but it is also fascinating for its relatedness which a literary work is created
by human, tells about human and then is
interpreted in scope of psychology as study of human.
DATA
COLLECTION
In
collecting the data which will support the study, the writer employs library
research and internet browsing. The writer submits the theories relate to
search for identity, the ways to search for identity, the influences of mother
in daughter’s search for identity, etc. The theories then are used to be base
in analyzing the search for identity in the novel.
DATA
CORPUS
The
data corpus consists of words, phrases, clauses, sentences, paragraphs,
dialogue, and discourses that refer to Nancy’s search for identity in Nancy
Friday’s My Mother/My Self. The novel
is printed in New York City by Dell Publishing Co., Inc. in 1977.
In
addition, the data corpus that used by the writer relates to the discussion of
the study. The writer takes the sentences which support her analysis about the
search for identity of the main female character in the novel, her ways to
search for identity, the influences of her mother in her search for identity
and the results of search for identity. For instance, below the writer quotes
sentences because they can be proof of the search for identity and the reason
of the main female character.
“It is too late
to ask my mother to go back and examine evasions she made as silently as any
mother and to which I agreed for so long---if only because she doesn’t want to.
I am the one who wants to change certain dead-end-patterns in my life. Patterns
which, the older I get, seem all the familiar: I’ve been here before.(My
Mother/My Self, 1977:21)”
DATA
ANALYSIS
To
analyze the data, which is the novel, the writer uses content analysis.
According to (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Content_analysis),
content analysis or textual analysis is a methodology in the social sciences
for studying the content of communication. Earl Babbie defines it as ”the study
of recorded human communications, such as books, websites, paintings, and
laws”. It can be seen that content or textual analysis more emphasize in
analyzing the data which is in form of texts.
ANALYSIS
AND DISCUSSON
Analysis
a.
Nancy’s
Search for Identity
Everyone in this world instinctively
wants to be independent person. Before achieving it, he has to experience
what’s called search for identity. Here he will begin to ask about his identity
and role. As stated by Hurlock in the thesis byElly Yulliana that a searching of self-
identity is the attempt to express who one is, what his role in the society.
This process commonly happens in adolescence which the person had already leave
his childhood toward the adulthood. Then
the writer finds that Nancy also feels the sense of search for identity.
Consider the following:
“It is too late
to ask my mother to go back and examine evasions she made as silently as any
mother and to which I agreed for so long---if only because she doesn’t want to.
I am the one who wants to change certain dead-end-patterns in my life. Patterns
which, the older I get, seem all the familiar: I’ve been here before.”(My
Mother/My Self, 1977:21)
So it can be seen that Nancy wants to
change the pattern that mother and daughter absolutely have same life and identity.
A daughter mustn’t be same with her mother. However both of them are different
human being. They have their own identity that distinguish each other. Nancy
wants to be herself, separated from her mother. She even doesn’t want to be her
mother in certain ways.
Then the writer finds out the ways Nancy
searches for her identity. First, she does it through family relation.
Nancy lives with her mother, sister,
and nurse before. In fact, Nancy doesn’t
have good relationship with both of her mother and sister, consider as below:
“The love between my
mother and me is not so sacrosanct it cannot be questioned: if I lived with an
illusion as to what is between us, I will have no firm resting place on which
to build myself.“(My Mother/My Self, 1977:21)
With her mother, Nancy is not too close
as mostly daughters with their mothers. She is aware that she doesn’t have good
relationship enough with her mother, there is such a gap between them. So that
Nancy decides to begin her search for identity. She has to build her own self. Not
only with mother, Nancy also doesn’t have good relationship with her only one
sister, Susie. She very rarely has intense interaction with Susie. Even, they
often to be in “fight”. They are
different girls.
“From my
earliest years I learned from Anna not to tell my mother anything that would
cause her anxiety. I don’t remember much of my mother from those years. I never
got on with my sister when we were little. It seems I was always angry with
Susie, ready for a fight. Even as a little girl she was sweet-natured. I
considered her “soft,” a loser at all the games we played. “Leave me alone,”
I’d tell her when she tried to cuddle me, ”I don’t like all that mushy stuff.”
(My Mother/My Self, 1977:87)
Actually the reason of why Nancy doesn’t
like Susie is reasonable. She is jealous of Susie. In fact, Nancy is brighter
than Susie in many things such as achievement and social environment. But, the
thing that makes her jealous of Susie is the more attention which Susie gets
from her mother. She expresses her jealousy toward Susie directly by behaving
unfriendly.
“My husband says his sister was the
only child his father ever paid any attention to: “You have done to Susie what
I did to my sister,” he says. “You made her invisible.” Me, jealous of Susie,
who never won a single trophy or had as many friends as I? I must have been
insanely jealous.” (My Mother/My Self, 1977: 162)
“I was lucky to have escaped those
devastating battles. “I never had to worry about Nancy,” my mother has always said. “She could
always take care of herself.” It became true. Only my husband has been allowed
to see the extent of my needs. But the competitive drive that made me so
self-sufficient was fired by more than jealousy of my sister. “(My Mother/My
Self, 1977:165)
The condition in house is not easy
for Nancy. The conflict and gap that happen make Nancy feels uncomfortable. She feels that
she can not handle it anymore. She wants to be free and independent.
“I think my
sister, Susie, was born beautiful, a fact that affected my mother and me
deeply, though in different ways. I don’t think it mattered so much until
Susie’s adolescence. She turned so lush one ached to look at her. Pictures of
Susie then remind me of the young Elizabeth Taylor in A Place in the Sun. One
has to almost look away from so much beauty. It scared my mother to death.
Whatever had gone on between them before came to a head and has never stopped.
Their constant friction determined me to get away from this house of women, to
be free of women’s petty competitions, to live on a bigger scale. I left home
eventually but I’ve never gotten away from feeling how wonderful to be so
beautiful your mother can’t take her eyes off you, even if only to nag.”(My
Mother/My Self, 1977:162)
Nancy finds that there is strong
competition in her house. There is an achievement
competition between
her and her mother.While
between her mother and her sister, it is
physical appearance competition. It seems odd to see that there is a competition
between mother and daughter, but it is the fact. Both of two different
generation women compete to get recognition and attention. Actually Nancy has
self-sufficient for joining this competition but she feels that it will not
make her better. She wants to be free. She wants to live in bigger world, the
real world.
As stated by Johnson (http://www.ficotw.org/strugglingteenlesson.html)
that to assert individuality, the adolescents will wean themselves from parents
or family. It occurs on Nancy. She wants to be free which can be meant as being
independent and asserting individuality. She wants to separate from her mother
and sister.
Beside through family relation, Nancy
also searches for identity through status symbols.
Adolescents are eager to express
their identity. The prestige they get will increase their self-confident and
prestige is not only about physical appearance. The achievement is also a
prestige. Here, Nancy more concerns on getting achievements as described below
:
“There was a girl named
Sophie who moved onto our street when I was ten. Her family came from ”above
Broad Street,” which made her more
foreign than a Yankee. It wasn’t because she was a year older that I became her
slave. Until Sophie, I’d been used to taking the lead. When a friend slept
over, it was I who insisted we have a string between the twin beds, tied to
each of our big toe, so that any movement during the night would be sure to
awaken us.”(My Mother/My Self, 1977 :119)
Nancy is used to be a leader in her
peers and it makes her feel proud. She is accustomed to lead the peers and make
decisions. For adolescents, being the leader is a prestige. Although she ever
becomes slave for Sophie, the new girl in the peers.
Besides the prestige of being
leader, Nancy also struggles with her identity by being outstanding. She tries
to be the best in many aspects. It can be seen as follow :
“I think she was at her
prettiest in her early thirties. I was twelve and at my nadir. Her hair had
gone a delicate auburn red and she wore it brushed back from her face in soft
curls. Seated beside her and Susie, who inherited a raven version of her
beautiful hair, I look like an adopted person. But I had already defended
myself against my looks. They were unimportant. There was a distance between me
and the mirror commensurate with the growing distance between me and my mother
and sister. My success with my made-up persona was proof : I didn’t need them.
My titles at school, my awards and my achievements, so bolstered my image of my
self that until writing this book I genuinely believed that I grew up feeling
sorry for my sister. What chance had she along side The Great Achiever and Most
Popular Girl in the World?”(My Mother/My Self, 1977:161)
Nancy gets her other prestige by
getting many achievements. She wants to show to the world that although when
she is little, she is not as beautiful and attractive as her mother and sister,
but she can achieve more than that. She becomes outshining in her house. She
gets various achievements such as titles at school and other awards. It makes
her, once again, feels more confident.
“When I outgrew the
Nancy Drew books for perfect attendance at Sunday school, and the Girl Scout
badges for such merits as selling the most rat poison door to door, I graduated
to prizes at the community theater. I won a plastic wake-up radio for the I Speak
for Democracy contest. I was captain of the athletic association, president of
the student government, and had the lead in the class play, all in the same
year. In fact, I wrote the class play. It might have been embarrassing, but no
one else wanted these prizes. Scoring home runs and getting straight A’s
weren’t high on the list of priorities among my friends.”(My Mother/My Self,
1977 : 163)
Nancy
tries very hard to get those achievements. She will do anything for it. She is
so ambitious. She wants to be the best in whatever the condition from the
prestigious until the trivial achievements.
Then
Nancy also searches for identity through “grown-up” behavior. As stated by
Powell (1963:250) that adolescents may behave rather crude and overzealous in
his seeking at recognition, Nancy also experieces such things. She wants to get
recognition or attention from others especially the adults. She thinks that she
should try many new things. Her eagerness is very great. Pay attention to this
:
“How many months, years,
later was it that I tried to re-create that night at Shopie’s? A friend was
sleeping over and I rolled on top of her, rubbing up and down. But nothing
happened. It wasn’t shameful, it just wasn’t fun. We gave it up and went to
torment my older sister instead.”(My Mother/My Self, 1977: 122)
It
can be seen that the first “grown-up” behavior done by Nancy is sexual
activity. She even does it with her girl friend. Actually Nancy has done sexual
activity with Sophie and she feels the pleasure. When she then realizes that
her desire to girl is not too strong, she does the sexual intercourse with
opposite sex. And she also finds pleasure there. Below is the evidence:
“One night before I left
for college, I found myself in the back seat of a car with Morgan. Emboldened
by our steps away from the boys of our youth, my friend Kathie and I had
telephoned Morgan and his friend Steve. The four of us went to a drive-in movie
and suddenly there I was, lying across the back seat in Morgan’s arms. He
kissed me, and I began to give myself to what I believed would be as close to
heaven as I would ever get.”(My Mother/My Self, 1977:268)
Nancy
actually also does sexual activity with her boy friend. She really wants to try
new things that seems taboo. She enjoys the pleasure and satisfaction.
Besides
sexual activity, Nancy also behaves other “grown-up” behavior. She also smokes.
“I grew up with Helen. I
learned to smoke in her kitchen, we studied together for exams all through high
school, and when the right Sunday came along, we put on our first garter belts
and stocking and walked into St. Philip’s Church together.”(My Mother/My Self,
1977 : 205)
Nancy learns to smoke with Helen
when she is in high school. However, smoking still regarded as taboo behavior
mainly on women. Sometimes women smoker are viewed badly in society.
The
fourth way Nancy does is through rebellion. Rebellion demonstrates separation.
As Gallagher states in (Powell, 1963:250) that rebellion is an attempt at
independence. Adolescents someday will be adult therefore they has to be given
such chance to separate from their ‘save’ environment. So does Nancy in this
novel rebel mainly to her mother, as follow :
“She got me a pink
elastic belt and showed me how to hook the ends through the metal hooks. I
sucked in my stomach away from her finger and rushed her through her patient
explanation. “All right, all right, I understand, I can do it”. I couldn’t wait
to get out of the house.”(My Mother/My Self, 1977:123)
From
that description above, the writer can take a simple conclusion. Nancy doesn’t
have intimate relationship with her mother. For it, she never feels comfortable
beside he mother. It results Nancy’s rejection toward her mother attention.
Nancy rebels her mother figure. It also can be seen below :
“I
can’t remember ever hearing my grandfather say to my mother, “Well done, Jane.”
I can’t remember my mother ever saying to my sister, “Well done, Susie.” And I
never gave my mother the chance to ay it to me. She was the last to hear of my
achievements, and when she did, it was not from me but from her friends. Did
she really notice so little that I was leaving her out? Was she so hurt that
she pretended not to care? My classmates who won second prize or even no prize
at all asked their families to attend the award ceremonies. I, who won first
prize, always, did so to the applause of no kin at all. Was I spitting her? I
know I as spitting myself. Nothing would have made me happier than to have her:
nothing would induce me to invite her. It is a game I later played with men:
“Leave!” I would cry, and when they did, “How could you hurt me so?” I’d
implore.”(My Mother/My Self, 1977:164)
Nancy
always becomes bright in many things but her mother never appreciates it. Her
mother seems to pretend that she doesn’t care to Nancy. It makes the condition
worse. Nancy then decides not to tell her mother about her achievements for
doing it is useless. She decides not to give her mother chance to praise her.
It is a kind of her rejection.
The
last way is through idols. In general, adolescents seem to have an idol or more
appropriately a model. They want to be like adult so then they begin to search
model to be a pattern in which they want to be and how they should behave.
Models can be from their own parents, teachers, celebrities and another adults.
First,
Nancy’s model is her own mother. She is not close with her mother emotionally.
They often disagree in many things. Though she doesn’t like her mother in
certain ways, but she also learns some things from her mother.
“The older I get, the more of my
mother I see in myself. The more opposite my life and my thinking grow from
hers, the more of her I hear in my voice, see in my facial expression, feel in
the emotional reactions I have come to recognize as my own. It is almost as if
in extending myself, the circle closes in to completion. She was my first and
most lasting model. To say her image is not still a touchstone in my
life----and mine in hers----would be another lie. I am tired of lies. They have
stood in the way of my understanding myself all my life.” (My Mother/My Self,
1977: 45)
However
Nancy’s mother still influences Nancy’s self-image. She is Nancy’s first and
lasting model. In this case, Nancy doesn’t want the life her mother has. Although
Nancy tries to have an opposite live from her mother, however her mother seems
to shadow her in her paths. She brings her mother into being a model in how
behave, think, and run the life.
Besides
her mother, Nancy also has another model. She is her aunt, Kate. In
adolescent’s view, Nancy doesn’t find a perfect model in her mother. Even she
find it in Kate.
“Aunt
Kate was the only woman, after my nurse Anna, whose embraces I welcomed, whose
breast I allowed myself to lie on. I knew her perfume and the smell of her skin
and when the world threatened to be too much in those years, her voice, her
presence, the mere idea of her was something to hold on to. “You’re just going
through adolescence,” she said to me once, and because she had a name for it, I
believed it would end. She was the way I wanted to be when I grew up.”(My
Mother/My Self, 1977:224-225)
It can be seen that Nancy is very close
with Kate emotionally even the closeness is more than with her own mother. With
Kate, she feels comfortable and secure even when she feels that the world
presses on her. The adolescence is sometimes felt difficult and strange. And
Kate can be wise facing Nancy. It causes Nancy admiring her and she wants to be
like her later.
b.
The Influences of
Nancy’s Mother in Her Search for Identity
Before
elaborating the influences of Nancy’s mother in her search for identity, the
writer intends to state the relationship between them.. It relates to how
Nancy’s mother influences Nancy in general way. Then consider below statement:
“Sometimes I try to
imagine a little scene that could have helped us both. In her kind, warm, shy,
and self-deprecating way, mother calls me into the bedroom where she sleeps
alone. She is no more than twenty-five . I am perhaps six. Putting her hands
(which her father told her always to keep hidden because they were “large and
unattractive”) on my shoulder, she looks me right through my steel-rimmed
spectacles: “Nancy, you know I’m not really good at this mothering business,”
she says. “You’re a lovely child, the fault is not with you. But motherhood
doesn’t come easily to me. So when I don’t seem like other people’s mothers,
try to understand that it isn’t because I don’t love you, I do. But I’m
confused myself. There are some things I know about. I’ll teach them to you.
The other stuff---sex and all that---well, I just can’t discuss them with you
because I’m not sure where they fit into my own life. We’ll try to find other
people, other women who can talk to you and fill the gaps. You can’t expect me
to be all the mother you need. I feel closer to your age in some ways than I do
my mother’s. I don’t feel the serene, divine, earth-mother certainty you’re
supposed to that she felt. I am unsure how to raise you. But you are
intelligent and so am I. Your aunt love you, your teacher already fell the need
in you. With their help, with what I can give, we’ll see that you get the whole
mother package---all the love in the world. It’s just that you can’t expect to
get it all from me.
A
scene that could never have taken place.” (My Mother/My Self, 1977:19-20)
Nancy’s mother is of course kind person
however she is. She is warm and self-deprecating. She is also shy for she has
what her father said as “large and unattractive” hands. It makes her feels
inferior. Her mother is still confused herself. She also doesn’t know how to
raise Nancy. Her life is full of uncertainty and anxieties. She realizes that
she will not be able to be good mother and it really influences their life. But however she loves Nancy and so does Nancy.
“There is real love between most mothers and
daughters. There is real love between my mother and me, but it is not that kind
of love she always led me to believe she felt, which society told me she felt,
and about which I have always been angry and guilty. Angry because I never felt
it, guilty because I thought the fault lay in me. If I were a better daughter I
would be able to take in this nourishing love she had always told me as there.
I have recently found I could get angry with mother and that it would not
destroy her or me. The anger that separated me from her also put me in touch
with the real love I have for her. Anger broke the pane of glass between us.”
(My Mother/My Self, 1977:28)
It can be concluded that both Nancy and
her mother feels guilty for not being good daughter and mother. It makes the
relation worse. But, however the worst relationship between them, after separation
they then realize the love and as result the relationship gets better. It is
suitable with what stated in (http://www.oppapers.com/essyas/Mother-Daughter-Relationships/32809),
that the relationship between mother and daughter can be a war but then also
can be reunited again.
During
the process of search for identity, the parents play important roles in influencing
the children. In this case, the one who influences Nancy is her mother for her
father has been dead. Nancy’s mother influences Nancy in some ways with or
without her mother is aware about it. First, Nancy’s mother influences Nancy in
her attitude and personality. The attitude and personality between a daughter
and her mother usually can not be separated. They are different women, but they
sometimes have sameness in some aspects. As stated before that a mother influences
her daughter’s outlook about life which then influencing the attitude and
personality (Crowder, http:www.helium.com/items/1598558-how-mothers-influence-theirdaughters?page=2).
Positive outlook of mother will result positive outlook too on daughter and
vice versa. Here, Nancy’s mother has
terrible anxieties.
“Frightened as she was, as much in
need of my father as my sister and I were of her, mother had no choice but to
pretend that my sister and I were the most important part of her life; that
neither fear, youth and inexperience, loss, loneliness of her own needs could
shake the unqualified and invincible love she felt for us.” (My Mother/My Self,
1977:44-45)
Nancy
feels the anxieties, fear, loss and other negative outlook from her mother. It
is caused because her mother is anxious for can’t be good mother and the other
feeling such fear and loss are because her child hood and adolescence life. All
of these influence Nancy’s personality become very anxious person.
“If I am
“strong,” why is there so much anxiety in my life? Why am I so haunted by fear
that my work isn’t good enough? Yesterday’s triumphs have little meaning;
tomorrow “reality” will take over again and I will fail or be found out. Above
all, why can’t I enjoy what my husband and friends tell me----that they love
me? Why do I dream at night and worry by day about the loss of others? Ever
since I can remember, I have been, outwardly at least, a winner---good in
school, good at sports, people liked me, I did accomplished work. Why then do I
still feel insecure?”(My Mother/My Self, 1977:55)
The
anxiety and fear make Nancy never feels secure and comfortable. She is
successful in most aspect. She seems to get all her needs but it makes her
anxiety instead. She fears if one day they will leave her alone. She doesn’t
get her mother’s love wholly so that she feels fear of losing other’s love.
Even
the anxiety of her mother influences Nancy’s outlook toward mother hood. How
her mother traits Nancy bring significant impact on Nancy. She doesn’t want to
be an anxious mother like her mother.
“The fear in the house in which I
grew up left me when I left that house, but it didn’t go away. It seemed to
have waited its time and I sometimes feel it stirring within me now I have a
house of my own. I wonder how much more of my mother’s anxiety I would feel if
I had a daughter. If I close my eyes and imagine me with a little girl in my
arms, I know the answer too well: too much.”(My Mother/My Self, 1977: 87)
Nancy
feels that she also will have the anxiety if someday she has a daughter. Even
for just imagine she has a daughter is very fearful.
The
second influence of Nancy’s mother is through ethical and moral values. Based
on Crider’s statement (1983:363) that parents and adolescents often disagree is
in scope of ethical and moral values. It relates to the judgment whether
something is right or wrong. There is no exception on situation between Nancy
and her mother.
“I don’t
know when my mother and I had agreed on that bargain. It seems it had always
been that way. I never took the bad news home. Certainly, by the time I was
twenty, my mother and I had further refined the deal: since she didn’t worry,
she wouldn’t interfere either. I would take care of myself. That night at
dinner I brought along another of the men I was always madly in love with, this
time a bad actor. I mentioned that he was driving me to New York, where we
would have a night before my flight to San Juan. My mother never asked where I
would be staying in New York, whether I had enough money for my ticket, or what
I was doing with such a disreputable fellow, one who obviously had neither the
background nor manners for the country club. Instead, she smiled shyly at him,
and gave me a neatly folded check for twenty-five dollars.”(My Mother/My Self,
1977:294-295)
Nancy’s
mother rarely pays attention to Nancy. She seems to be careless mother. She
thinks that Nancy always can take cares of herself. She even doesn’t concern on
Nancy relationships with men which is of course part of ethical and moral values.
Nancy’s mother always avoids in discussing about sex. As she said to Nancy
:”The other stuff----sex and all that----well, I just can’t discuss them with
you because I’m not sure where they fit into my own life.”(My Mother/My Self,
1977:19). Her carelessness causes bad impact on Nancy. Nancy then thinks that
it doesn’t matter if her mother doesn’t care her. She will do anything she
likes including doing sexual activity. Her mother knows that Nancy will have
far enough travelling even with a bad boy. She also knows that they will have a
night before. Anything can happen in that time such as sexual intercourse. But
she doesn’t care for it.
Then
the next ethical and moral values are about stealing. It can not be received in
any ethical and moral values. Then here, Nancy’s mother takes role in causing
Nancy to steal.
“The glass bank was shaped liked the world, and as I saw
the half of Africa disappear behind my stash, I had a good feeling. But there
was no one I could share it with. The only person who seemed to enjoy money as
much as I was my grandfather. He had a great deal of it, and what I admired most was his ease with
money. Unlike my mother, he treated money without apology. This is how you move
around the world, his manner said with great logic, as he paid restaurant bills
and bought himself and other people beautiful things. Handling money made my
mother anxious, and she raised me never to discuss the price of anything. Her
attitude baffled me since clearly you couldn’t even buy groceries without
money. What was money so secret and distasteful?
I grew to associate the dirtiness of
money with the vile part of me. Except for my allowance, I never asked my
mother for money; something more than cash, I realized, was being exchanged. If
I wanted something badly enough, I often stole it.
I was right not to ask for more; you cannot take money
without strings. I couldn’t afford to be angry at her stinginess then; I still
needed her. I am wrong to be angry at her now, not that right and wrong have
anything to do with nursery angers. There are two sides to any mother-daughter
story of separation; on my side, I wanted to leave home for a bigger world. On
her side, I was leaving her. What neither of us could say was that I wanted
more than she had, to become more than she was.” (My Mother/My Self, 1977:
334-336)
Nancy’s
mother is not only never discussing about sex, but also about money. Such her
anxiety toward sex, she is anxious toward money too. Even Nancy sees her mother
as stingy mother. She always feels anxious if Nancy handles money. It makes Nancy
feels that she can not ask her mother money except for her allowance. This
thing really influences Nancy in viewing money. The worst impact is she often
steals something that she wants much.
c.
The Results
of Nancy’s Search for Identity
The writer finds the results of Nancy’s
search for identity especially for her own life and it relates to people
surrounding her as secondary effects. The results which Nancy has gotten are
felt when she is an adult. Here, actually Nancy experiences the search for
identity through some ways as mentioned before. Nancy begins to search for
identity based on her strong own want. It results such satisfaction for her
later. Here are the results that Nancy get after the search for identity:
“I grew up surrounded by permanence,
a world that was warm and generous and promised to go on forever.
I
wanted desperately to belong to the world. Society was defined very strictly.
It meant living “below Broad Street,” having a deep Southern accent and
generations of kinfolk just around the corner. Our address was right, I learned
to say mirruh instead of mirror, but neither my grandfather’s money not the
private girl’s school I attended could change the fact we were Yankees. There
wasn’t a house in which I was not welcome, not a time when I didn’t feel loved
by the extra mothers I found all over town; but I knew we didn’t belong. Even
my name---Friday----was different. Later I grew to love its uniqueness just I
grew to love being tall, but when I was ten and people asked my name I would
slouch and say, Nancy.
Had I not grown up at this tiny
angle of divergence from the inbred security of Charleston and the strict rules
that such closed societies lay down, I’m sure I would be different today.
Perhaps I would never have married Bill or written books on women’s sexuality.
My life would have been a straight, strengthening line, one solid note; the
life of woman never questioned her convictions. But I wasn’t cut out for a
straight line anyway, or would not have taken so many walks. I would have
stayed forever below Broad Street. I would rather live with my old anxiety
about feeling left out than to have been merged so completely that I never left
Charleston at all. But I know that my ability to live different today, to deal
with abstractions, to change and accept consequences rests on what I found in
Charleston. As I place one foot forward into the unknown, I have one foot in
the secure past.” (My Mother/My Self, 1977: 118-119)
When
Nancy decides to begin her search for identity, it in fact results good impact
in her later life. Her one of ways in search for identity by separation from
family and the save surrounding makes her becomes different today as she wants.
It means that the result of Nancy’s search for identity is successful. She now
has her own identity. She can do what she wants, not because other people want.
She is brave to be different, to exit from save and secure past. But, she still
can synthesize the past experiences with her future expectation. She learns
from the past time anything to be better in future. She was right to separate
from family and environment to get bigger world.
Nancy
then achieves what Branden (1996:29) called autonomy. She can get independent
survival, independent thinking, and independent judgment. She becomes and gets
what she wants since adolescence.
“I took my men and my jobs home to mother. I think I
enjoyed them most there. In her home they acquired a final polish, and gave my
history with her definition it had not had before. I never understood women who
took their anxieties home; I only went there in triumph. I don’t know what I liked more, my mother’s
admiration of my single life, or my own feeling of added life when I
experienced my world in her house. In my twenties it seemed I had been given
the magic opportunity to rewrite our lives together. No longer was home the
place I had to leave, but the place I chose to come to. No longer was I wicked
for wanting to leave her; now I came home bearing gifts, stories, successes,
and people I could share with her. And at last there was something she could
give me.”(My Mother/My Self, 1977:338)
Nancy
can establish her identity by having jobs. She becomes productive person who
can feed and finance her life’s cost. She brings her jobs home means that she
now can be proud of her jobs that she chooses and likes. Besides jobs, Nancy
also brings her men which relates to personal relationship to her mother. She
is adult now. She has independent thinking toward life. She understands her
process of search for identity well that there is higher value on it. The
success is presented in forms of gifts, stories, success and people which can
be shared with people surrounding her. Success should be
shared, not for own satisfaction.
Beside the positive result of independent,
the other result that can not be seen trivial is her better relationship with
her mother. After all complicated times, finally Nancy can have good
relationship with her mother, something that she always dreams of.
“I was proud of my mother. You could
put her in a barn and by the way she placed a chair it would become hers. Once
I left her I could love her. Distance gave value to all the things around her I
had grown up with: the golds and greens and whites of her living room, the
flowers, the silver cigarette boxes, the white wicker furniture on the lawn,
all were dear to me as they had never been when it had all been mine, when it
was all I had. Even her anxieties and shyness that had so upset me as a child
were now lovable; they were rallying emotions for all of us. We would follow
her into the big comfortable kitchen with our martinis before dinner, as though
we didn’t want her out of sight, as though to protect her. She would lay
elegant tables, prepare wonderful food with an effortlessness I hadn’t
remembered I she had. I began to see talents in my mother I wanted for myself.
“I don’t know why we always end up in the kitchen,” she would blush and smile
at this new man I had brought home, and I would touch her and say, “But, Mom,
this is where we want to be,” loving her now that I hadn’t become like her.
I warmed, I softened, I lost my
nervous edge in her house. Men seemed to love me more there. I brought them to
her, knowing she was on my side. One night in her pretty four-poster guest room
and, as in a fairy tale, they were mine for life. What was it about her that
drew them to me? I would go out of my way to give them time with her alone.
After growing up feeling everyone but me had something with their mothers, now
when all my friends were at odds with their families, my mother and I were in
bloom. We had things to exchange: she enjoyed my life, and when my lovers saw
me with her, it seemed I gained a missing dimension in their eyes: I was a single,
sexual person who could take care of herself, but surely they must see that the
daughter of a woman as feminine as this must also be a woman herself.” (My
Mother/My Self, 1977:338-339)
Now
Nancy can see the goodness of her mother instead of her anxieties. Separation
makes her see her mother wisely that is like her, her mother is also ordinary
woman. Afterward she can love her mother wholly. All of these things form
healthy attachment with her mother. Her relationship is much better. Both of
them enjoy their own selves though in different way. Both of them take care of each
other.
Then
the last result is the identity which distinguishes her from her mother. In
previous discussion, the writer states about the identity which Nancy gets. But
it relates to the term of independence and different person generally. Here,
the writer explains the identity that Nancy gets which in specific way
distinguish her from her mother. It becomes important for Nancy’s mother plays
significant role in influencing Nancy’s search for identity.
“How many times have I said in this
book that my mother and I are totally different women? Oh, I have acknowledged
certain minor virtues I got from her----housekeeping, an easy hostess, etc. But
compared to those qualities of hers I have always disliked but taken over
anyway----her anxiety and the fear which lies beneath my surface
independent----how paltry appeared my “good inheritance”. I have always thought
I had to leave home to reinforce the qualities in myself I wanted because I
felt by nature my mother is very timid person.”(My Mother/My Self, 1977: 458)
Nancy
finally finds that she and her mother is different woman. Although there is
“inheritance” from her mother which is in form of anxiety and fear that means
they have certain similarity but it can not be conclusion that they are same.
Nancy knows that her mother is timid person and she doesn’t want to be like her.
Nancy is adventurous daughter. She is self-confident and brave. It is very
different from her mother who is shy and simple.
Discussion
After analyzing the search for identity
experienced by Nancy, the writer finally finds the five ways Nancy searches for
identity. First, Nancy searches her identity through family relation. She does
not have good relationship with both her mother and sister. It makes her feels
uncomfortable. She wants to be free. She wants to be independent and different
individual. For that reason, she then separates from her mother mainly. Second,
Nancy also searches for identity through status symbols. In her house, there is
a competition among Nancy, her mother and sister. Susie and her mother are very
beautiful and they compete in physical appearance. While Nancy is not as
beautiful as them. She competes with them mainly her mother in getting
achievements. In fact, Susie never wins a single trophy or has as many friends
as Nancy has. And her mother, although she has “unattractive” hands, she is still
beautiful. She is also good in riding horse and playing piano. In other side,
Nancy is very bright. She gets titles at school, awards, prizes, and other
achievements. This is in which Nancy searches her identity. She struggles with
the condition. She proves to anyone, not only her family but also the peers and
society, that she can be outstanding too. Then Nancy searches for identity
through “grown-up” behaviors. She does sexual activity with her girl friend.
She does it just for having fun and trying new things even that regarded as
taboo one. Then she also does sexual activity with opposite sex. She feels the
enjoyment and pleasure in having relationship with them, more than with the
girl. Nancy also smokes. She learns it with her friend. Beside those ways,
Nancy searches her identity through rebellion way. Seeing that her mother only
concerns on Susie, she feels that it will not be big problem if she rebels her
mother. She wants her mother knows that she does not like her traits on her.
The rebellion also represents her separation from her mother. Nancy does
rebellion by rejecting her mother values and attention. She does not want her
life be arranged and directed by her mother who never shows her love on her. Then
as most adolescents, Nancy also searches identity through idols or models.
Though the relationship between her and her mother is not as strong as other
daughters, but Nancy still regards her mother as her model. She learns from her
mother either the goodness or badness. She learns her unswerving personality
instead of her anxieties. Nancy also takes her aunt, Kate, as her model. Nancy
admires Kate ‘s personality and all things in her very much. She is an
outstanding woman. She is beautiful, smart and independent. Nancy wants to be
like her.
Actually the ways where Nancy searches
for identity are usual. The thing that makes it different is her relationship
with her mother. Commonly, in the adolescence, daughters have stronger
relationship with their mothers. But, it does not occur in Nancy. The relationship
is cold. It is caused by misunderstanding and miscommunication. Although the
condition is like that, her mother still influences Nancy. She takes
significant role in Nancy’s attitude and personality. Nancy becomes anxious and
fearful daughter caused her mother’s. She feels anxious even when she gets
achievements. She feels fearful if then the people around will leave her alone.
Nancy is also fearful to be a mother. She does not want her daughter feel her
anxiety as she feels. Nancy’s mother also influences her in ethical and moral
values. She never discusses about sex with Nancy who as adolescent in her
crucial time having great eagerness including toward sexuality. Nancy does
sexual intercourse in her young age. Beside that, Nancy’s mother also
influences Nancy to do stealing. She also never discusses about money with
Nancy. She feels anxious when Nancy holds money. She is stingy. Because of
that, Nancy becomes brave to steal something that she wants badly while she can
not ask money to her mother.
Then after all complex situation and
experiences, Nancy finally is successful enough in struggling and managing her
search for identity. She finds out her identity as independent and different
woman, separated from her mother. And the other important thing is about her
relationship with her mother. After the process, mainly the separation or
rebellion, Nancy then can see her mother as woman who also has goodness instead
of badness. She can compromise her angers on her. She can understand her mother
well. And her relationship with her mother now better.
CONCLUSION AND
SUGGESTION
Conclusion
In this novel the writer finds that
Nancy begins to search for identity because she wants to change the dead
pattern in which mother and daughter absolutely have same life and identity.
She then searches for her identity through some ways. First, she does it
through family relation. Nancy doesn’t have good relationship with her mother
and her sister too. This situation is not easy for her. She also finds
competition among them. Those things lead Nancy to separate from her family in
order to be free and independent. Second, Nancy searches for her identity
through status symbols. She always wants to be leader mainly in her peers.
While in the house, she also takes part in the competition. She competes with
her mother and sister by pursuing any achievement. She is very ambitious to be
the winner in all games. Third, Nancy takes the way through “grown-up”
behavior. She does “grown-up” behavior by sexual activity. She first does it
with her girlfriends. She even feels the pleasure. But when she doesn’t feel it
anymore, she begins to do sexual activity with boys. Nancy also smokes in her
young age. Fourth, Nancy struggles with her identity through rebellion. She
rebels her mother rules and rejects her attention. Actually she does it for
separating herself from her mother. She wants to show to her mother that she
doesn’t like her in certain ways. Fifth, Nancy experiences her search for
identity through idols or models. Though her relationship with her mother is
not good enough, but Nancy still takes her mother as her model in certain
paths. She learns both goodness and badness of her mother. Nancy also takes her
aunt, Kate, as her model. She admires Kate for her understanding and
criticizing Nancy. She even wants to be like Kate when she grows up.
Then during the process of search for
identity, Nancy’s mother plays significant role in influencing her. Firstly,
she influences Nancy in her attitude and personality. The anxieties of her
mother cause anxieties on Nancy too. She always feels anxious either in good or
bad condition. Even she feels anxious when getting achievements for she is
fearful if someday people will leave her if she doesn’t get the achievements no
more. The anxiety and fear are more terrible when Nancy is fearful to be a
mother. She doesn’t want her daughter feels her anxiety such what she feels
from her mother. Then secondly, Nancy’s mother influences Nancy in ethical and
moral values. She never discusses about sex and money with Nancy. It results
Nancy does sexual activities and don’t care about society’s view. Nancy also
often steals something she wants badly.
In the end of the story, after all
complex situations, Nancy can be successful in searching her identity. It means
that she finds and then establishes her own identity. Although during the
process, she feels anxieties, “bad-mothering”, and all that seem negative, but
Nancy can manage it well. Nancy is able to find her identity. She finally can
establish her identity by being independent and different from her mother.
Nancy also can have better relationship after seeing her mother in different
insight, as woman. Nancy’s mother is just an ordinary woman who marries a man
in young age and has to raise her two children.
Suggestion
After analyzing and then finding the
answers of the problems, the writer would like to give some suggestion. Those
suggestions are presented to the readers:
1. Search
for identity is a common process experienced by mostly adolescents. But however
the adults, especially the parents, should behave wisely toward it.
2. Parents
also should create good relationship with their adolescents. It is done in
order to lead the process of search for identity positively.
3. Then
for the adolescents, they should not regard the search for identity as
unlimited thing. They should be aware that their life is not only about
themselves but also others’. They should learn about responsibility.
4. Finally,
all sides should respect the search for identity of a person. It is his right
to explore and then develop his own self.
The second suggestions are for the next
researchers who are interested in analyzing this novel.
1. My Mother/ My Self is
an interesting novel. It contains more than one topic. The next researchers
should explore the others topic such as motherhood and women emancipation.
2. The
next researchers also should analyze the novel from other field instead of
psychology. They can analyze the intrinsic or extrinsic values.
BIBLIOGRAPHY
Arkoff, Abe. Psychology and Personal Growth. Boston: Allyn and Bacon, 1993.
Branden, Nathaniel. Taking Responsibility: Self-Relience and the Accountable Life. New
York: Simon & Schuster, 1996.
Crider, Andrew B. Psychology. Illinois: Scott, Foresman and Company,1983.
Friday, Nancy. My Mother/My Self: The
Daughter’s Search for Identity. New York : Dell Publishing Co.,Inc, 1977.
Guerin, Wilfred L. A Handbook of Critical Approaches to Literature: Fifth Edition. New
York: Oxford University Press, 2005
Munsinger,
Harry. Fundamentals of Child
Developments: Second Edition. New York: Holt, Rinehart and Winston, 1975.
Offer, Daniel. The Adolescent, a Psychological Self-Portrait. Illinois: Basic
Books, Inc, 1981.
Powell, Marvin. The Psychological of Adolescence. New York: The Bobbs-Merril
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Rutter, Munsinger. Maternal Deprivation Reassessed. Great Britain: C.Nicholls &
Company Ltd, 1972.
Spock, Benjamin. Problems of Parents. New York: Fawcett World Library, 1965.
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